What’s in YOUR pants?

If you were searching for a distraction from the current pandemic, feast your eyes and ears on the universal naïveté of the Cis Class Heroes (buh-buh-duh-DUH).

Disclaimer: While this infectious disease doesn’t require a mask, I’ve personally heard that muzzles have shown to be quite effective in necessary situations. You know what desperate times call for.

Let me begin by stating that this is not an attack on cisgender folks. It is simply an all-expenses-paid educational opportunity. If you feel attacked in any way at the end of this read, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, and quarantine yourself immediately (preferably with some transgender literature, a helpful podcast, or even feel free to reach out to a mentor like me, free of charge, if you’d like).

So…who am I and why do I have the nerve?

I’m a fully-transitioned transgender male living in North Carolina. If this were actual, in-person dialogue, I might have already been cut off from my next sentence with the question, “so… do you have a dick?” Understandably, our society has essentially trained us to not only think that’s an acceptable concern to audibly express, but also to not think twice about voicing that concern with reckless abandon.

This phenomenon isn’t exactly jolting. Although I am trans, and know with my whole heart that I was born this way (unintentionally Gaga), I do recall the time in my life when I hadn’t even heard the word “transgender” yet. Thinking back to before my adolescence, I probably would have blurted out that same uncomfortable genitalia inquiry. The reason behind this isn’t at all complex, and I’ve broken it up into two main concepts to help with digestion:

— -Privilege and curiosity.

Privilege is a word that gets tossed around quite frequently in this day and age, and for that I am thankful. The accountability that is finally starting to be held is crucial to the very change the world needs. Cis privilege comes into play here when we examine these conversations in a reversed setting. Cisgender people are ‘normal,” so they are born protected from the inappropriate prying.

I’m using the word ‘normal’ so loosely here that it may or may not have fallen to the bottom of your screen by the time you’ve clicked on this article.

A transgender person is not boxed into that normal realm, opening up the general idea that we can be examined like a new, interesting strain of …coronavirus. The Scrutiny Spotlight, starring: Anybody Who Doesn’t Look Like You.

A group of white sheep will always want to know what the hell is going on with the lonely black sheep in the corner. Spoiler: He’s fine. He just wants you to stop thinking so hard about whether he pees sitting down or standing up. I don’t think that cis people are just a bunch of moronic a-holes that go around purposefully destroying transgender life as a whole, and of course it’s not their job to mentally lift us up, but I do hope I am able to open up the mind of at least one person in order to stop them from accidentally being a dick. You can’t really fix what you don’t even realize you’re doing in the first place, so this is your opportunity to have an internal conversation with yourself. You’re not above transgender people in any way, although you may have been raised to believe that.

Remember: Grab some water, because this might be hard to swallow, but being cisgender doesn’t automatically make you more “normal,” or smarter, hotter, more important, less annoying, etc.

In fact, you’re probably just as annoying in your own little, unique way. I’m sure your boyfriend/girlfriend could vouch for this.

This a great time to segue right into the other concept: curiosity. Does having a genuine curiosity about transgender people make you a bad person? Nope! Does the curiosity come from being privileged? Well.. yes. So maybe I could’ve just explained the privilege part and ended the article right there, but I wanted to touch on the (seemingly) innocent questions that are unloaded onto those who don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.

— In order to understand one another as humans, we need to be open to putting ourselves in the mental shoes of others before letting curiosity transform into actual verbal conversation. You wouldn’t want a stranger to publicly question that giant zit on your face, would you? Take the ‘what’s-in-your-pants situation,’ for example. What is happening inside someone’s head when you ask something so inappropriately intrusive? It’s important to note, your selfishness is showing if you think putting somebody in such a mentally (& physically) uncomfortable state is worth the answer that you apparently needed so badly.

It’s so difficult to convey this feeling into a cis person’s mind since they’ll never go through it, but check out this little fantasy story:

….Think ‘first day at a new school, you’re late so ya walk in when everyone is already seated, you’re the only person in the room who is standing because they ran out of chairs, you forgot your pencil, you weren’t notified that there’s a uniform, and oh, you just involuntarily loudly coughed during COVID season, so now everyone is staring at you and noticing all of the other previously noted anxiety-inducing things.’

You, my friend, are the cough. You just publicly amplified pre-existing anxieties because you just couldn’t control yourself.

Way to go. Maybe Google it first? Just a thought.

Or ya know, ask me over a virtual cup of coffee. Between us, no questions will be off limits, and I’ll help you understand which ones are actually off-limits if you want to be a semi-decent human in public going forward.

I expect you to hold people accountable for morals that mean a lot to you, so I will always do the same in return.

Seth Carlson

Social Media Marketing Strategist

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Transgender Counselor specializing in family support, gender dysphoria, & transition planning.

Big thanks to Good Mythical Morning for being the reason I have the motivation to wake up and write at 5:00 am.